A few good friends give him the company he enjoys . . . most of the time.
With his wife, he has many memorable times.
At work, he’s proven to be a valuable employee.
Unfortunately, he’s always guarded with everyone because it seems to him that at any time, on any day, there could be an argument that erupts out of nowhere.
It seems to him that every time he gets in a conversation and expresses his opinion, someone feels the need to correct her or put her down and she gets defensive and a major conflict results.
Do you seem to be involved in a lot of conflicts?
Avoiding conflicts is only one consideration in dealing with conflicts, however, it’s a good place to begin.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Are there really a lot of conflicts in your life? Sometimes what seems to be a lot of conflicts may just be one or two that stick in your mind. Letting go of what’s over with may be the real problem.
- Are they worth the trouble they cause? We often find that when we get caught up in a difference of opinion it becomes difficult to yield to the other person’s position, even though it results in an unpleasant experience.
- Do minor disagreements get blown out of proportion? Are the clenched teeth, high blood pressure and sleepless nights worth the issue that started the discussion that fell apart in anger?
- Are you letting the other person’s problem cause your defensiveness? So your adversary’s upset about something that they feel adamant about . . . maybe even an opinion about you that is out of place. That doesn’t mean you have to prove them wrong. Often, it isn’t even worth the energy to defend yourself or your position on the issue.
- It it really a matter of “right & wrong,” or is it just a mater of “different?” Your opinion is your opinion. That also means that the other person’s opinion is theirs, and two opinions that differ aren’t necessarily right or wrong. they may just be different.
- Is the end result most important, or is the other person what’s really important? It’s easy to get lost in the conflict over an issue. Unloading your defensiveness in the form of an angry retort may devastate the one you’re in conflict with. Don’t injure someone with your need to prove you’re right.
So what happened to Mark?
When he began asking himself questions like these, he realized that he often became defensive and ramped issues up when he really didn’t need to. It has become increasingly easy for him to side step conflicts, rather than become embroiled in non-issues.
Answer these questions for yourself at the beginning of a difference and you may very well be able to avoid a lot of conflicts before they get out of hand.
Making plans for living life more successfully is enhanced by the objective input of a life coach.
Contact me at http://lifecoachkensneed.com/let-me-hear-from-you/ and we’ll talk about how I might be of help to you in dealing with life.