Dealing With Rude Behavior

James was enjoying the day off.

His wife’s birthday was in three days (this is a man we’re talking about), so he was doing his “search and destroy” shopping for gift and card.

The clerk wasn’t busy, so he approached her hoping she’d have the perfect suggestion for his wife’s gift.

Although she’d only been straightening blouses on a rack, she ignored his first request for assistance.

He was a little louder with his second attempt to get some help from her, to which she replied that she was busy and she’d be with him as soon as she finished her “important” work.

Infuriated at being brushed off, he began telling her what he thought of her rude behavior, being especially clear, with very colorful language, telling what he thought of her value as a person.

Some people shouldn’t be allowed in public

There are those people who, for a variety of reasons, don’t have the skills to deal with others in a respectful manner. James encountered one of those people, but . . . .

For the rest of us, who often have to deal with the socially challenged, there is a need on our part to be prepared to cope with rudeness in a way that honors God and isn’t embarrassing to ourselves.

Here are some suggestions to help you cope with rude behavior:

  • Respond from confidence — Don’t be a bully.  Just act out of confidence.

Being confident means “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.”

This results when you know who God has made you to be, and you act as a result of the assurance of that faith experience.

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength” -Eric Hoffer

  • Politeness overrules rudeness — When treated rudely, Paul expresses great wisdom in pointing out that, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.” Proverbs 25:21-22 
  • Volume doesn’t dictate the “winner” — Raising your voice doesn’t make you the winner in opposition to rude behavior.

Because you’re louder, it only means you’ve attracted more attention to your bad           behavior.

  • Responding to rudeness with rudeness doesn’t mean you won, whatever that might mean to you — Winning isn’t about figuratively beating the rude person into submission.

“Winning” is a measure of whether you’ve honored God in your behavior, even if the  rude person gets his way.

  • Don’t allow yourself to be pulled down to the rude person’s level — Conduct yourself with Godly assurance and dignity.

Becoming the bully to out-rude the other person only means that you’ve lowered yourself to his level.

Is that where you want to be? (http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/how-to-rise-above-rude-behavior/)

  • After the encounter, you only hurt yourself if you ruminate over every detail again . . . and again . . . and again . . . rather than letting it go — Ask God for the strength to let go of the offensive behavior.

A person who gets stuck in past offenses remains the victim of the offender.

So, what about our friend James?

What do you think?

Did James handle it in the best way?  If not, how do you think he might have behaved better?

I’d like to hear from you.  Leave a comment.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Are Conflicts the Pothole on Your Road of Life?

Mark is generally an easy going man.

A few good friends give him the company he enjoys . . .  most of the time.

With his wife, he has many memorable times.

At work, he’s proven to be a valuable employee.

Unfortunately, he’s always guarded with everyone because it seems to him that at any time, on any day, there could be an argument that erupts out of nowhere.

It seems to him that every time he gets in a conversation and expresses his opinion, someone feels the need to correct her or put her down and she gets defensive and a major conflict results.

Do you seem to be involved in a lot of conflicts?

Avoiding conflicts is only one consideration in dealing with conflicts, however, it’s a good place to begin.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Are there really a lot of conflicts in your life?  Sometimes what seems to be a lot of conflicts may just be one or two that stick in your mind.  Letting go of what’s over with may be the real problem.
  • Are they worth the trouble they cause?  We often find that when we get caught up in a difference of opinion it becomes difficult to yield to the other person’s position, even though it results in an unpleasant experience.
  • Do minor disagreements get blown out of proportion? Are the clenched teeth, high blood pressure and sleepless nights worth the issue that started the discussion that fell apart in anger?
  • Are you letting the other person’s problem cause your defensiveness? So your adversary’s upset about something that they feel adamant about . . . maybe even an opinion about you that is out of place.  That doesn’t mean you have to prove them wrong. Often, it isn’t even worth the energy to defend yourself or your position on the issue.
  • It it really a matter of “right & wrong,” or is it just a mater of “different?”  Your opinion is your opinion.  That also means that the other person’s opinion is theirs, and two opinions that differ aren’t necessarily right or wrong.  they may just be different.
  • Is the end result most important, or is the other person what’s really important?  It’s easy to get lost in the conflict over an issue.  Unloading your defensiveness in the form of an angry retort may devastate the one you’re in conflict with.  Don’t injure someone with your need to prove you’re right.

So what happened to Mark?

When he began asking himself questions like these, he realized that he often became defensive and ramped issues up when he really didn’t need to.  It has become increasingly easy for him to side step conflicts, rather than become embroiled in non-issues.

Answer these questions for yourself at the beginning of a difference and you may very well be able to avoid a lot of conflicts before they get out of hand.

Making plans for living life more successfully is enhanced by the objective input of a life coach.

Contact me at http://lifecoachkensneed.com/let-me-hear-from-you/  and we’ll talk about how I might be of help to you in dealing with life.

Posted in Anger, Conflict, New Behaviors, Relationships | Tagged , ,

When You’re Stressed — BREATHE!

“I can’t catch my breath!”

It’s a silly suggestion.

Everyone who’s alive does it, all day long.

Even when you’re worried — “anxious,” you’re breathing.

When you exercise, especially aerobically, you improve your lung capacity, your cardio-vascular system, your stamina.

You know how to breathe, so what’s the big deal, and what does it have to do with stress?

When Stressed, Our Bodies Prepare to Deal With Threats

You know how you you begin to breathe in short, shallow breaths when you think your life might be in jeopardy?

A similar reaction occurs regarding our breathing when we’re stressed.

Under pressure, our bodies react by going into survival mode.  Physically, stress convinces our bodies that there is a pending threat, so our bodies prepare to deal with that threat.

So . . . how do you breathe that will reduce your stress?

Healthy Breathing

Healthy breathing is done by “belly breathing.”

When stressed, abdominal muscles are often tightened, restricting breathing to the upper portion of the lungs.

Breathing exercises are helpful in developing healthy breathing even when stressed.

Some claim that breathing exercises result in avoiding physical problems such as asthma, digestive and circulatory related diseases.

Practice Whether You Are, or Aren’t, Stressed Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Stress | Tagged , ,

Stress: The Enemy Within!

Matt is a young adult in his mid thirties.

He’s Married with two delightful, respectful children.

His wife’s job allows her to be home when the kids are not in school.

They live in a nice home in a friendly neighborhood.

He thought he was having a heart attack last week, and 911 was called.

At the emergency room, they tested and checked and questioned and decided he wasn’t having heart attack — it was acid reflux that had become so severe he couldn’t breath and had a horrible burning in his chest.

When he saw his doctor the next day, his doc told him he needed help learning to deal with the stress.

Stress!??

EVERYONE DEALS WITH STRESS

You have a job — you’ve got stress.

You don’t have a job — you’ve got stress.

You’re single — you’ve got stress.

You’re married — you’ve got stress.

You’re a student — you’ve got stress.

You’re a parent — you’ve got stress.

You’re an athlete — you’ve got stress.

EVERYONE EXPERIENCES STRESS! Continue reading

Posted in Stress | Tagged , ,

Everybody Has a Bad Day Now & Then

So you’re having a bad day.

A Bad Day!!

The toaster didn’t burn your toast — it quit working, so you didn’t even have any toast.

The car started just fine, but the traffic was so jammed up you were 20 minutes late for work.

Your spouse is not happy that you didn’t send a text to just check in and express interest in how the day is going.

It’s just going to be one of those days!

Why does it always happen to me!??

Everybody has a bad day from time to time.

When it happens to you, you don’t have to take it personally . . . as though fate picks on you to be it’s victim.

The big question is, “What are you going to do about a bad day?”

The answer is not found in how to keep bad days from happening.  The solution is centered between your ears — “How are you going to think about the mishaps that occur?”

So, how can I have good thoughts about bad situations?

Here are 6 ways to look for the good in the bad days. Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Stress | Tagged , ,

Hello world!

Welcome to my new website!

It is my goal to help you as you look to the future and make decisions about how you can overcome obstacles and make the best of every situation as you go through life.

Keep watching for suggestions on how to handle life’s interesting twists and turns so that, as the great contemporary existentialist philosopher has offered, when you come to the fork in the road, you’ll be ready to take it!

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